Pitfalls of dating after divorce michael mccreary dating sites

17 Apr

So how can those who are struggling with these obstacles successfully and healthfully re-enter the dating arena?

"My rule of thumb is to meet in person within two weeks of making online contact." Might as well find out as soon as you can if the chemistry is virtual—or real.

Of course, when you do meet, take basic safety precautions.

But it's also tough, she adds, because once you're on the dating scene you can feel like a teenager again, in that shaky, unconfident, not-sure-if-he'll-call sort of way.

So how can you make post-divorce dating—whether you're looking for a good time or a good (relationship-minded) man—less daunting?

A divorcée may also feel that there's something "wrong" with her since her marriage fell apart, says Dr. If that's the case, start training yourself now to recognize self-sabotaging thoughts, and when self-doubts start to pop up, "visualize a giant red stop sign, or a voice yelling, 'Stop! Possibly the last time you dated there wasn't even an Internet, much less Internet dating.

But if you were thinking that searching for companionship online is strictly for losers or perverts, forget it—that's as outmoded as dial-up.

Instead, it seems that the older we get, the less we date.

In one study conducted at the University of Michigan Institute for Social Research, social psychologist Jerald G. D., found that nearly 50 percent of 18-year-olds go out at least once a week, compared with only approximately 25 percent of 32-year-olds.

Contemplating the dating scene, many divorced women feel not just garden-variety nerves, but "actual terror," says Dr. Just remember that your fears are normal—after all, you are dealing with or have dealt with a major betrayal and upheaval—and that you don't have to jump all the way in. Tell a few trusted friends that you're interested in meeting people. "Sit down and craft a statement of what, exactly, you're after. If you feel the same way, she offers this advice: "I suggest you try to reframe it as an adventure, or as an education," she says.

Accept invitations to parties."While it's not unheard of for a woman wounded by a painful divorce to make statements like "all men are jerks" or "all the good ones are taken," that's obviously not a good mindset to have going into dating, says Dr. "That kind of thinking can tank your mood—and cause you to limit your chances of getting out there and finding love." By forcing yourself to keep your negative thoughts in check, you'll soon be in the habit of thinking optimistically, which will in turn make you more ready to date again. You've decided to start dating—isn't that your "intention" right there? "Dating can be a way to sharpen your social skills, too." And, of course, a way to get out of the house and have some fun!

Yolanda may have felt alone on the playing field, but she was far from it. The number of women living alone has doubled to 14.6 million, and the number has nearly tripled for men, jumping from 3.5 million to 10.3 million.

With so many single adults out there, one might guess that there's also a lot of dating going on.