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I've seen other friends and patients blind-sided and baffled by sudden hostility from adult children who, as they mark their new independence, start complaining about their parents' deficiencies in parenting.They imagine that babysitting your grandkids is a privilege -- at their convenience -- and too often don't think about how lovely it would be to simply have family time together. They think that their parents will be there forever, that there will always be time to get together, to do this or do that together someday.They figure that as long as things are humming along in their lives, why call you with any details? When you're 20 or 25 or 30, unless you've had the misfortune to lose a parent at a very young age, it's hard to imagine not having your parents around for years and years to come.It can hurt a lot when you think about how much you gave your kids, how many sacrifices you made over the years, the countless times you put them first and now they can't even bother to call you occasionally. And so your feelings of hurt and anger and disappointment come out in a number of ways -- comments that start with "Is it asking a lot....?" or "You should...." or "You owe me...." And then you feel dismissed as a guilt-mongering mom.

They call wanting me to drop everything to aid them. But when she needs babysitting, she'll call immediately. I raised them right and they are wonderful children in so many ways, but too busy to even give me a call. Barriers to Closeness Young Adult Developmental Issues: Noted psychiatrist Lee Robbins Gardener once told me that parents of adolescent and young adult children not only experience the empty nest, but also the battered nest when the young adults may devalue, in a number of different ways, home and family of origin in order to ease their passage out of the nest and into the world. One friend, who had enjoyed a wonderful relationship with her daughter growing up, found herself feeling embattled and rejected when her daughter went away to college.

I'm not asking for that much contact -- just an occasional phone call... I'm tired of the excuses I read for adult children. When are adult children going to wake up and visit their mothers? They never visit, rarely call and I learn information about my grandchildren on Facebook. They fought horribly during her daughter's vacation periods at home and her daughter maintained radio silence when she was at school.

You and your parents were close and you considered them a joy and inspiration in your life.

And it's painful when your children don't seem to feel the same way about you or to share the values that kept you close to your own parents.